


his heart - the poor, bleeding thing.

by moonminghao



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love, junhui is so whipped and minghao is.. not, mentions of lots of unhealthy habits, sad boys have a sleepover basically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 04:08:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13379853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonminghao/pseuds/moonminghao
Summary: to be fair, junhui thinks that the subtle ache means he is getting better. when he first realized he was in love with minghao, he thinks he may have cried. knows he cried, actually, remembers pouring his heart out to joshua through stuttered sobs as they ate thai food at two a.m.that was only a couple years ago, though it feels like a few lifetimes. the ache back then had been a ferocious feeling of hurt, of heart break, the all-consuming notion of wanting something you can never have. it had eaten away at him, and for weeks minghao thought he had done something wrong; the way junhui couldn’t even muster a smile while in his presence.





	his heart - the poor, bleeding thing.

**Author's Note:**

> i don't think this is as angsty as it sounds
> 
> (also. high school au ??)

“i think your cat hates me.” 

these are the words that junhui settles on to break the small silence that had formed between them. he glances to minghao as he speaks, looking for a reaction, or, perhaps, just to look. 

“can you blame her?” 

they are sitting together on the floor of minghao’s bedroom. the sun had set a few hours ago, and they are both tired but neither of them want to admit it. junhui forgot to bring his ps4 controller so they are taking turns instead of playing against each other. it’s minghao who’s playing now, focused on the screen, as junhui messes with the mildly overweight cat that minghao’s mother had adopted a few weeks ago. 

“you’re so mean!” junhui acts hurt, pouting for show even though minghao is not looking at him. the wooden part of hao’s bed frame digs into their backs. 

minghao snorts at junhui’s antics, before cursing at the television. junhui smiles, amused by the sight of minghao getting so worked up over the video game. his heart aches, only slightly, at the overbearing thought of how cute the other boy is. 

“well, stop poking her and she won’t attack you!” 

to be fair, junhui thinks that the subtle ache means he is getting better. when he first realized he was in love with minghao, he thinks he may have cried. knows he cried, actually, remembers pouring his heart out to joshua through stuttered sobs as they ate thai food at two a.m. 

that was only a couple years ago, though it feels like a few lifetimes. the ache back then had been a ferocious feeling of hurt, of heart break, the all-consuming notion of wanting something you can never have. it had eaten away at him, and for weeks minghao thought he had done something wrong; the way junhui couldn’t even muster a smile while in his presence. 

“i was only trying to play with her.” junhui responds. minghao rolls his eyes.  
after a while minghao hands him the controller, muttering something about how the next boss is ridiculously difficult. 

of course, junhui would prefer it if the pain wasn’t there at all, if he wasn’t stuck in some sort of poetic indie film where the selfish best friend gets left behind so the lead can pursue some pretty thing, if he didn’t have to spend so much of his time praying to feel anything other than this - 

“how are things with you and that girl? what was her name, again? su... no, jia…” minghao asks after a while, trying out different syllables for a name he does not remember, or never cared to learn. 

\- but, junhui will take what he can get, and if that means settling for the constant, dull sorrow that makes itself at home whenever minghao smiles at him, or whenever junhui dreams about being with him, about touching him, and wakes up to an empty bed, then so be it. bruises feel better than bullet wounds. 

“oh.” junhui shrugs, focuses on the screen, punches in a combo that nearly kills the opponent. “it didn’t work out… she was sort of high maintenance.” 

and he considers it self preservation, the nights he spends pressed up against the wall by boys who do not love him, hoping that his heart will decide to latch itself onto one of them instead. if he is so fated to falling for someone who does not feel the same, why can’t it be for someone who will at least fuck him? 

“isn’t that the same reason you broke up with the last girl?” minghao giggles, nudging him with his shoulder, not hard enough to throw off his game but enough to force junhui’s attention back to him. “are you sure you aren’t the one who’s high maintenance… or do they get sick of dating a guy who is so in love with himself, it feels like they’re dating a cheater?” he jokes. 

the words _‘it feels like they’re dating a cheater’_ bounce around in junhui’s head.

_[ “you’re in love with him.” she says one day, waiting for junhui to act appalled, to act sickened, to immediately shoot down her claim, to give whatever reaction necessary for her not to leave._

_instead, junhui just stares at her. he’s never been good with words so he doesn’t even try, and ten minutes later she’s gathered all her things and is out the door. ]_

“you’re one to talk, minghao, i think you take at least ten pictures per day of your own outfit.”

“oh, like you’re any better!” they both laugh.

“but how about you?” junhui asks, “wasn’t there some pretty little kitty in your science class, last i checked?” he glances from the screen to minghao, who also has his eyes glued to the television. a blush creeps up on the younger boy’s cheeks and junhui’s stomach lurches. 

“oh, her? yeah… she’s cool. she came to my martial arts competition last week…”

junhui resists the urge to point out that he went to minghao’s martial arts competition last week, too, and has been going to them ever since minghao invited him to the first one, which must’ve been a decade ago. 

“ooo~ she must be into you.” junhui says. he misses a hit in the game and his character loses. 

minghao is smiling. “knock it off.” 

junhui does as he is told. he didn’t really want to talk about girls, anyway.

“another game?” 

he thinks that it’s for the best. minghao deserves some nice, caring, girl. someone who’s the same age as him. someone who minghao could take home to his parents without having to lie about what she means to him. 

“nah. it’s getting late.” 

junhui knows that he is none of those things. that it would be some sort of small town scandal for them, that minghao’s parents would never forgive him. 

“it’s storming pretty badly outside…” minghao says. “i don’t think it would be safe for you to drive home.” 

“oh, okay.” junhui shrugs. 

“i’ll ask my mom where the extra sleeping bags are. do you want the bed or the floor?” 

if there is one thing junhui knows for certain, it’s that sleeping in minghao’s bed would absolutely wreck him. 

“the floor.”  
_______

“ow- ow, what the fuck- ow!” junhui’s voice is raspy with sleep and he sits up in bed, causing the cat that had been crawling on him to fall down to his lap. he could feel claw marks on his face. 

minghao rolls over and looks down, rubs at his eyes sleepily and asks what’s wrong in a confused tone, blank but concerned. 

“your fucking cat attacked me in my sleep.” 

minghao giggles. 

“this is not a laughing matter, hao.” 

his light scolding does nothing to stop the laughs escaping from minghao.

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry. it just looks like you’ve been attacked by wolverine.” he says and junhui rolls his eyes. 

“i was sleeping. and your cat assaulted me.”

for a moment, minghao seems to be thinking, and then he rolls over so he’s no longer in view of junhui.

“here…” 

junhui’s heart stops, but only after it lodges itself in his throat. “huh?” 

“the cat’s too fat to get on the bed. come sleep up here and she won’t bother you.” 

his heart slips from his throat down to the bottom of his stomach. he can’t see minghao but he can imagine him well; laying on his back, blonde hair messy from sleep and eyes still closed. they haven’t slept in the same bed since fourth grade and junhui feels sick. 

“okay.” 

he doesn’t put up any sort of argument. he doesn’t have it in his heart - the poor, bleeding thing. he simply gets up and shuffles into minghao’s bed. which, of course, in a cliche, predictable way, smells like him. his sheets are soft and there, in all his shining glory, is minghao, curled up on one side of the mattress. he’s resting his head on his forearm and he gives junhui a sleepy grin. 

“goodnight.”

“goodnight, hao. sweet dreams.” 

minghao’s eyes flutter shut. junhui feels disgusting, the way he can’t tear his eyes away from the younger boy’s face. he looks younger in his sleep. happier, too; isn’t wearing that perpetual grimace so prevalent in the daytime. his lips look soft and his breathing is light. junhui’s chest feels tight. 

he needs to move on. needs to learn how to move on. he can’t spend the rest of his teenage years crying at parties and refusing to masturbate sober because he knows that it’ll be his best friend who he imagines right before release. 

he could always go to wonwoo, or maybe jeonghan, let himself be held by them, learn what it feels like to be fucked by someone who actually gives a damn about him, or learn what it feels like to be cared for in a selfless way, but he knows that would never work. they are smart kids, could figure out in an instant that junhui is still in love with the stupid fashionista who acts like he’s the karate kid. 

he needs to move on, but for now he is stuck here, laying inches away from minghao and imagining what he tastes like.

“you know, i can feel you staring at me. it’s weird. if there’s something to tell me, just say it.” 

junhui sucks in a breath, rolls over so that he is facing away from the other boy. they are still close enough that junhui can feel the ghost of minghao’s touch all over; feels it in his arm where minghao had an elbow, feels it in his thigh, where minghao had pressed his knee into. 

they are so, so close. 

“no.” junhui says back. “nothing at all.”

**Author's Note:**

> (loosely based off of sleepover by hayley kiyoko ?? i think at first it was... maybe)


End file.
